WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SOMETHING? JUST BE SOMETHING!

A friend of mine once sent an email to her closest group of friends with the following 3 questions:

1. Why are we friends?

2. How do you feel when you are around me?

3. How do I impact you?

It took me weeks to answer it. The questions seem simple enough, and I guess they were so simple that I forgot about them. I knew that it was important to her so it was important to me, but nonetheless, somehow after I read the email I forgot to answer it for weeks. Then when I realized I had forgotten and was ready to reply, it took me hours of bouncing the questions around in my head, searching for the truest way to answer them before I could formulate my words. When I did, I felt grateful that I was able to answer from my heart and I knew she was appreciative.

The most important thing about those questions to me is the issue they raise over whether or not we know how people perceive us. There will be those of you who read this and who will say immediately that you don’t care how people see you. I tip my hat off to you. There are others of us  (maybe the majority) who know that how the world sees them matters, but who have decided that regardless of how the world may see them, how they see—and feel about—their self will always be more important.

I have, like many of you, gone through periods of time where I can’t quite reconcile a seeming split between who I perceive myself to be and how I think the world sees me. These times can be quite frustrating. During these moments things may not seem to be lining up the way you think they should. You think you’re incredibly like-able, talented, and attractive, yet things aren’t happening the way you think they would for that “incredibly like-able, talented, and attractive” person you see in your head.

That strikes me as funny: The idea that there could be an image in your head of yourself. Yet, there is. Each time I have ever wondered about this image of myself, there is some part of me laughing at its absurdity. I am not an image. I am a living, breathing being. So why should I become obsessed with a picture of myself. As Eckart Tolle said in The Power of Now (a book that seriously lights a fire under my ass):”Why do you have a relationship with yourself? Why don’t you just be yourself?”

Isn’t that deep?

Why do we concern ourselves with dichotomies like, “how I see myself vs. how the world sees me” or “how I feel inside vs. what I do outside”? This is a bit of non-sense if you look closely. If you get over this idea of an “image” of yourself, then you can give more attention to who you actually are.  When you are closer to who you actually are, and begin to live from that truth in a fuller way, then the truth of who you are will certainly shine in the world. You won’t have to worry about how people see you and how you see yourself.

This does not negate the genuine benefits that come from self inquiry. It may be a good exercise to examine how you see yourself and how others see you, as in the case of my friend who sent me that email. Hey, I think I want to send that email to some friends myself! But to become pre-occupied with it? To make it a daily concern that is such a regular part of your mental chatter that you don’t even notice that it’s there anymore? That’s a bit much. Why not give that energy to actually being as opposed to thinking about being?

What a novel idea!

I wonder how many of you noticed that I started yesterday’s blog talking about the mild obsession I have with writing Joy In The City, and that I didn’t go into more depth about it. I know at least one person did, because he asked me about it. If you are wondering the same thing, I’ll speak to that.

It would seem that I didn’t go into more detail on the subject of being a clear vessel to write this blog, but if you read between the lines it connects.

The idea that we need not be perfect (or externally successful) to exist, that we can learn how we, as individuals, function best, and learn how to live as our true-est and most authentic selves, is not a far-fetched idea. I, for instance, don’t need to be perfect, or “holier than thou” to be qualified to write this blog, and you don’t need to be overly concerned with an image of yourself at the expense of being yourself.

We each have the right to simply exist and to live the life we want. It is your job to figure out how you do that best and with a minimal amount of pain to yourself and others. In a word: It’s your journey. Now rock it out.