OH YOU THINK YOU'RE HOLIER THAN THOU? A LETTER TO THE READERS

Hello, Joy In The City readers. Happy Saturday or whatever day it is when you read this. I am blown away by the fact that you read my words and allow me to be a channel of something positive in your lives. But I have confession to make.

I have gotten drunk off of this love you’re giving me. Daily, I become mildly obsessed with what I will write in Joy In The City. This worries me. I don’t think that obsession is congruent with maintaining the clear channel from which I need to write. This is not to say that I expect perfection from myself.  You know that these entries are as much letters to myself as they are to you. They are largely based on whatever I am currently dealing with. Yes, I am talking to you, but also to myself through these blogs.

I just want to put that out there to dispel any holier than thou-ness ideas that may seep into this dialogue. Because of the conversations that have come up through this blog, I think it could more aptly be called a blog-ologue. It’s a talking blog. Hmmm…somehow I need to convey that there’s more than one person talking.

Dia-blog-ologue?

Now that’s just ridiculous.

Where was I?  

Oh yes. No holier than thou-ness here. I am learning as I write. We’re talking here just like the conversation we may have about this later.

I have a question for you.

How do you deal with disappointment?

A friend of mine who I’ve known for most of my life asked me that question a few years ago and I gave her some generalized “meditation, yoga, laughter, time with friends” kind of answer. All very true. But there’s more to it.

It seems that every month I go through some kind of funk. I know I’m not alone on this. As I get “better” at this thing called life, the funks last for shorter amounts of time. But they happen nonetheless. I like to think that each time I rise out of one of these funks, I am stronger, funnier, sexier, and generally more successful in my life. Thus my life ebbs and flows through these periods of luminosity and darkness, each feeding the other.

The more I go through the funks, the more I come to expect them. I let them be, I give them their space, and they pass. I don’t fear them as I once did. I don’t indulge them by deliberately pulling myself lower with unhealthy behavior. I just let myself be.

Now, I don’t know what a “funk” means for you. These things may vary as much as individuals, so it is important, first of all, to have a level of awareness so you know what going through a low time means for you.  This will be the first step in learning how you must deal.  I know some people who only “allow” themselves 24 hours to be down in the dumps. I think that’s wonderful. I, for one, never know how long it’s going to take. But I never let it completely stop my life. I always engage in some kind of productivity and do my best to show myself some love, even if my dark time involves self- loathing.

I once thought that the fact that I experienced low times meant that there was something wrong with me. I did not know that being a fulfilled and happy person did not negate sadness, disappointment, and mild grades of depression. Now I know that there is no light without darkness. Each is right as rain. As a matter of fact, one cannot exist fully without the other. Just as I am brighter after dark periods, dark periods are shorter when I am free and enjoy myself fully in periods of lightness.

Joy is a state of being that is real through all circumstances. No matter the mood or condition you find yourself in when you roll over and see the light or darkness of day, joy is what prevails at the deepest level. It is untouchable. It is the laughter that cannot be stolen.

So the other part of the answer to my friend’s question, “How do you deal with disappointment?” is this: Accept it. Even expect it just a little. As much as you hope your goals will be accomplished and your wishes fulfilled, expect a bit of disappointment too. Things can’t always turn out exactly the way you pictured them. This is not negativity. It is true. Disappointment is right natural. Feel it. Accept it. Smile at it every now and again. It will dissolve in your acceptance. And the best part is that you will feel your fulfillments all the more fully.

There a lots of other parts of this conversation. For instance, do you have a practice, like meditation or prayer, as a regular part of your life? Do you have a good community of people who support your endeavors and from whom you know you have unconditional love? Are you making your best effort to live the life you want? All big questions. And no blog can answer them for you. It's a conversation. The door is open. All you need to do is walk right in.