Today started with me feeling rather down. I found out that I didn't get something that everything seemed favorable for me to get. It’s a typical
experience for actors, but the disappointment still exists. But I did not feel
broken. I am incredibly proud of the
work that I put in for preparation. The experience I had auditioning, truly
being alive and in the moment in the room, is priceless. I knew early on that
even if I didn't get it, because I put my self into the work the way I did, failure
was not possible. Because of all the things I had already gained from doing that caliber of work, I could not fail. This is the kind of assurance
and confidence that no one can give
you.
Nonetheless, I didn't get what I was hoping for, and I was
down. I committed myself to being gentle but not wallowing in disappointment. I did my usual meditation and somehow ended up
dancing in my kitchen while getting ready for the day (still Stevie. See the
last 2 blog entries.)
When I left for the day, I decided that if I made eye
contact with anyone on the train or on the street I would smile instead of
doing the usual look away. The smiles weren't forced (which is when it gets
weird), but genuine, and would you know that all of my smiles were returned?
Here’s something else. I recently met a woman who has
quickly become a good friend. Kristin Pedemonti is a professional storyteller, a TED Talks Finalist, and works all over the world, using stories to connect
people, to inspire, and to heal. She also does FREE HUGS. Check out her website
to listen to her speak. You're in for something special. http://storytellerkp.com/
She has inspired me to begin to take a moment to stop and
talk to homeless people on the streets. It comes from a genuine interest in
their stories, but also the fact that they are so often ignored or feared that they
become invisible to us. As she and I have said, “We may not have money to give,
but we can give some time.” To talk, to hear their stories, to make them feel
less alone. THIS IS NOT EASY! Well, it’s not easy for the obvious reasons:
sometimes I’m in a rush and sometimes I feel too weak as a person to be able to
be present for a complete stranger. And maybe a less obvious reason is because
sometimes I’m scared. What will I say? Who am I? What do I have to give? I’m
not a naturally outgoing person, and I can be awkward at times. But something
about talking to homeless people in NYC feels like a part of my heart’s work
and I’m only beginning.
Today, I spoke to the 3rd homeless person I've
met on the streets of NY. I was walking to a play reading that I was doing
tonight. I saw a gentleman with a sign explaining his situation and the word “Embarrassed”
written on it jumped out at me. I went
out of my way to avoid him. I was in no mood to talk to anyone. I had gotten 3 steps past him and I felt my
body making a U-turn. I turned around, looked him in the eyes, and said, “Don’t
be embarrassed” and gave him a dollar. He said, “Try sitting here on the other
side of this sign and see if you don’t feel embarrassed.” The next thing I knew
I was kneeling down next to him and we were talking. He told me he once had a
contracting business, but his business partner killed himself when they lost
all of their money, and that’s when things first began to go south for him. But
he is beginning to put things back together slowly but surely. I asked his
name. I told him mine. He said that I didn't need to give him that dollar, he
was just grateful that someone stopped to talk to him. It gets lonely out here,
he said. I spoke to him for maybe 5 or 10 minutes. We shared a few smiles and
shook hands. I’m not as courageous as my friend Kristin because I’m still too
scared to offer hugs, but I’m good at giving smiles.
Here’s what the universe has done “in return” today:
1. When I met my 3 year old friend (don’t you love
the way that sounds? See blog “Joy Dressed in a Funny Disguise” to know who I’m
talking about), her manner was surprisingly peaceful as if she was being gentle
with me. She showed me affection that she doesn’t usually show and did things
without being told to do them. We baked cookies together for her class for
Valentine’s Day. She was nothing short of angelic and helped every step of the
way.
2. The play reading I did was very successful. I met
and connected with new people and had meaningful conversations. I also “randomly”
bumped into 2 other women who I was glad to meet. When you live in NY, you know
how important those “bump ins” can be. It was a “bump in” that led to me
getting to read the lead role in an amazing play tonight.
3.
The disappointment of not getting that part has
almost completely disappeared.
So here’s what I’m saying, JOY IN THE CITY readers:
When things
don’t go your way, GIVE!! I’ll say it again. When things don’t go your way,
GIVE!! Volunteer. Talk to a stranger. Smile. Hold doors. Contact someone just to
say hi. Do what you can. It is by giving that you are reminded of how powerful
you truly are. You get to see that making someone else’s day can also be a way
of making your own. You don’t have to be stuck in the mental run around of
your own head space. Giving to others is a sure way to remind yourself that
life is bigger than your own personal drama.
The 3 things I listed up there are only a few of the “little”
miracles that ended up happening for me today. Honestly, the "stuff" you get in
return when you give is only a small fraction of the bigger fact that giving of
yourself simply FEELS good.
So don’t be down! Give even just a little and your joyful
heart will get so much more!
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