You Can Have Your Cake and Eat it Too: An Adventure in Community Acupuncture and Leaving No Stone Unturned

I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it.

Does that make you think of Olivia Newton John in 80s style aerobics wear, Jessie Spanno’s classic breakdown from sleeping pills on “Saved By The Bell,” or your very own life?

I’m pleased to say that right now those words make me think of my life. So much is happening. I just found out that I’ve been cast in a show with a company whose work completely fascinates me. This will follow another show that opens in June. My summer is booked with acting work that excites me. And I hope to round it all out with a film. So cross your fingers for me.

Today, I surprised myself and went to something called an acupuncture bowl, which is basically a community acupuncture sitting.  Each participant got a treatment and then we sat with the needles in for about 40 minutes in silence. This was followed by a brief reading from a Taoist text. I found the entire experience incredibly relaxing. It was my second acupuncture treatment ever (the first being almost a year ago in Paris), and I immediately felt some blockage clearing. I rode my bike there. It was a pleasure sharing silence in a group. One woman commented that she was surprised at how energizing the silence of our group had been. I agreed.

What led me to the community acupuncture was that while I have been accomplishing lots externally, I am finding it difficult to integrate creative practices in my life in a sustainable way. Over and over, I begin projects and have amazing ideas that are quickly abandoned.  Despite all that is going on, we all know that external accomplishment only brings a degree of happiness. It is really what’s going on internally that seals the deal.

Auditioning and booking work is one thing. Don’t get me wrong. That takes hard work. But what I am concerned about is the work that others may not see. The work that is done at home and that may not result in a play or a film, but that brings me satisfaction nonetheless. These things include painting, working on a scrapbook of my summer in Europe, and working on my screenplay. I know this may all sound superfluous. But these are things that bring me joy and for some reason they are usually the first things to get left behind when I am busy or otherwise distracted.

I enjoy being busy, but I want to master the balancing act that makes it possible to be fulfilled creatively in my own rite.

Have you ever felt that no matter how much you accomplish on the outside, that still something essential is missing? When I feel this way, I find that usually the missing link is all that extra creative stuff I do just because it makes my heart sing and that (on the surface) has nothing to do with my career.

So I went to a community acupuncture session at the recommendation of a dear old friend. I didn’t realize that this is why I went until the session was nearly over. Acupuncture is an ancient practice that helps bring balance to both the physical and psychological body. Today’s session relaxed me tremendously and also somehow inspired me to get organized enough to complete my personal projects and to continue to book acting work-in other words to “have my cake and eat it too.”

Acupuncture may not be your cup of tea, but acupuncture is not the point. No pun intended. The point is that I was able to deal with this blockage because I tried something completely different. I was open to a new experience and I received an amazing gift.

New experiences are everywhere. Leave no stone unturned. The universe is waiting to answer you. I’ll keep you updated on my progress. As always, your joy awaits you.

Trust me. It is possible to have it all.

Joyful Reading: 7 Books That Will Inspire You, Make You Laugh, Think, and Smooth Out The Ride

I am in a time of thinking less and feeling more so I don’t have any brilliant realizations to share with you, per se.

I always go through moments where different modes of processing come to the fore- either a more cognitive mode where I am able to articulate easily and can clearly see various mechanisms at play; or a more nebulous feeling mode where everything is more experiential and I have few words for what is happening. But through it all reading is always with me. No matter what mode I am functioning in, reading the words of others helps me to make sense of the world.

Having said that, I’d like to share with you a list of some books that have recently provided me clarity, humor, and that have walked alongside me as good companions for the brain and the heart.

1.     Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are by Carlin Flora. I just finished this book a few days ago. It opened my eyes to the role friends play in life choices and also our overall happiness. If you knew the facts, you would thank your friends more. An amazing read.

2.     Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me and Other Concerns by the tremendously funny, Mindy Kaling. If you’re looking for a deep read, this book is not it. It is shallow by all counts. And hysterically funny. Mindy Kaling does not apologize for some superficial elements of her personality and does not change her values to seem cool. Because of this, she is unintentionally inspiring. What a great surprise. Loved it.

3.     On Beauty by Zadie Smith. Ok. I know this book is alnost 10 years old. I also know that Zadie Smith’s newest novel, NW, was just published this year. Hold your horses. I’ll talk about NW next, but I have to talk about On Beauty first. This book is so thrilling and refreshing. If you have ever thought about how we culturally deal with beauty, read this book. It’s not cerebral and does not contain any overt commentary, thankfully. It is a wildly funny, smartly written, bold as brass tale that deals with academia, family, infedility, friendship, enemy-ship and -in the most suble way- the ever so elusive, beauty. I love this writer. Which is why I’ll talk about:

4.     NW by Zadie Smith. Ok ummm…This book is unlike anything I have ever read. If you want to really get sucked into character and watch an amazing writer do jazz, pick this up and prepare to salivate. This book entrances you and you just can’t stop. The characters are not pretty and so it is cathartic in the true Greek sense.

5.     Outliers-Stories of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. Though I’m a fan of all of Gladwell’s books, I have to talk about this one because it is the latest. This book completely knocked my socks off and opened my eyes to the different dimensions of success. We don’t often hear about the story behind the success story in a multi-layered way that includes loads of research about why success happens for some and not for others. It’s kind of the true story behind the success story. Not to mention the fact that Gladwell writes with so much humor and heart that you can’t help but be inspired to open up a little wider and live a bit deeper.

6.     The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. This book, along with the next one on this list, is one that I haven’t read yet. I am beginning it today. Book lists never include books that the person composing the list is just excited about reading! I’ll give you a synopsis of it: The writer embarks on a year exploring the notion of happiness. Here is a blurb from the website: The Happiness Project synthesizes the wisdom of the ages with current scientific research, as Rubin brings readers along on her year to greater happiness.  Anyone want to read it with me? I’m so excited to crack it open! http://www.happiness-project.com/

7.    Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing the World for Success and Influence by Heidi Grant Halvorson. This book explores the different ways that people get motivated. Have you ever wondered why optimism and an upbeat personailty help to get some people motivated but not others or why can’t you just make yourself do the things you want to do? This book, based in scientific research, explores all the different dimensions of how we get motivated. I’ll be cracking this one open right after I finish The Happiness Project. I’ll let you know how it goes!

And there you have it. 7 books that are sure to open to your heart and mind and get your juices flowing!

One thing about living in the city is the abundance of time that I spend on public transportation. This allows for massive amounts of reading. Also when lots is going on and you need to process, reading a well written book is a great way to disconnect from your normal train of thought and get inspired by someone else’s insight and artistry.

I do love a good book. Here’s to your joy!

The 3 Selves And Their Crazy Graceful Dance That Carries The Mystery of You

The other night I went to one of those SAG conversations where someone with a noteworthy acting career is interviewed. That night it was Vincent D’Onofrio. Amazing. The last thing he said in the evening, in response to a question about the best piece of advice he’d ever received, was something along the lines of being your own unique self. He said that before your work receives any real validation it can be tempting to just work on emulating someone else that is already where you’d like to be. Don’t do that, he said. The only way to be memorable is by being yourself-your natural, true, authentic self.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard this maybe 50 million times before. It’s kind of a no brainer, right? Good advice, but I know this already.

It seemed incredibly profound when he said it and I was, rightfully, flooded with gratitude. But as I repeated it to myself after the program and now to you, I realize that this is the same advice everyone gets or receives multiple times in his/her life starting in childhood.

But why haven’t I been able to stop thinking about it? This being your self thing has some layers to it that aren’t always acknowledged. I want to shed some light on that because the waters can get murky.

Here’s the way I have come to see it:

1.     There is an ideal self. This is you at your very best, fitting all the proper images that you have set up for yourself. You’re checking all the boxes, dotting your i’s, crossing your t’s. You are “on it.” This is what people are usually thinking of when they say “best self.”

2.     And then there is also the “normalized” you. You’re not particularly at your best but you are functioning. You’re getting things done little by little. Some things are left undone, you’re a bit rough around the edges, but you are alive and have great moments.

3.     There is the awful you. The “ewww, what side of the bed did you wake up on?” you? You need more sleep. You’re having a bad day. If this you dominates your life for too long, you may need professional help. And I’m not playing.

Of course this list doesn’t comprise every single state of a person’s being. These are  just a basic 3 that probably have various subsections and categories.

The reason I mention these different selves is because I think sometimes people get a bit hung up on always being in the ideal self state. I know that there are people who function optimally every single day, but for many people, the other 2 selves are also regular parts of existence.

I believe that being yourself is understanding and accepting the whole balance of these three, being grateful, and always having the courage to move forward.  What does the whole balance of these 3 mean? I think that is up to the individual. Acceptance of them is a great place to start.

So much life occurs somewhere in between these selves, in the moving through them. Being your true self is at least partly about learning how to deal with yourself on a daily basis. Find your flow, learn how to talk to yourself in the manner that is most conducive to your success, seek help when necessary.

Also leave space for mystery. To know oneself completely is impossible, and thank God, because where would our art come from if everything was all figured out? We need our questions and they will always be there.

I’m not sure Mr. D’Onofrio had all of this in mind when he gave his final piece of advice for the evening. But I think we have to get clear on exactly what “being yourself” means. Which self?

Again, I’m not completely sure, but I think it is the self that carries the delicate balance of all the other selves gracefully and realizes that they are one. It is the self that is ready to exist peacefully and bring the gift that is you into the world. 

Here's to you.

         

The Endlessness of Everything: On Honesty and Why You Fit Together Perfectly

I’ve been cast in a new play. Lead role. I find the script scary in a very good way. Less than a week after they contacted me with the offer, I scheduled a coffee date with the director and playwright to discuss their vision for the piece and to establish our relationship as collaborators.

Among many things, they told me that they cast me because in the audition room I  ‘bared my soul.’  Of course, like anyone would be, I was flattered.

It is a rare occurrence that I actually get feedback after an audition. At most I get, “That was a good audition” or “They liked (loved) you.” But you never really know what it was that sealed or broke the deal. Many times you never hear anything at all- good or bad- you just don’t get the call. So, needless to say, this was feeling good to me.

But back to the ‘baring your soul’ thing. The director said that he had recently sat through hours upon hours of auditions. The funny thing about actors, he said, is that they are performers, so they know how to perform, but really when you’re watching people on stage you don’t want to see performances. You’re looking for that person who has the courage to  (here’s that weird phrase again) “bare their soul.”

Instead of reveling in the flattery of all this like I probably should have (God help me. When will I learn how to take a compliment?), my mind immediately searched around for all the countless times that I had not been that rare, courageous ideal of an actor and, as my thoughts would follow, of a person.

What lies do I tell hoping that they will pass off as truth long enough for them to actually become truth? I do tell them.

I know that has a harsh sound to it, but the truth is that I don’t believe there is anything wrong with the phenomenon of passing something off as truth hoping that it will come to life. In a certain way, this is a natural part of a creative process, even when that creation is a person.

So if “faking it until you make it” is a natural and healthy part of the process, doesn’t that in some way contradict the whole honesty ideal, i.e. baring your soul?

This is what I was processing when I was at a meeting that I called and should have been asking meaningful questions about a script that I am about to work on. This is how my brain works. Good? I don’t know.

But speaking of how my brain works. I think I’ll call the aforementioned phenomena “necessary contradictions.” If we each have some necessary contradictions, some paradoxical elements of our personality, and we know that there is nothing wrong with them, maybe the most important thing is learning what yours are.

What seemingly opposing parts work together to create the amazing whole that is you? Understand that these contradictions are necessary and awesome.

If you have read Joy In The City before, you have heard me say something similar to this in the post, “A Letter From An Introverted NYC Actor…” I’m talking about this idea again because I do believe that some people are in the habit of hiding certain aspects of themselves that they are afraid don’t fit into what they feel is an image of themselves that makes sense.

If you’ve wondered about these things before, first I encourage you to take a look at whatever image of yourself you’ve been carrying around, thank it for its insights, for having gotten you this far, and kindly let it go. 

Then, I suggest taking a look at your necessary contradictions. Do they serve you? Ask these questions and boldly live with what you find. This is how you come by your honesty. This honesty is not always easy to own. But it is yours.

You know how it is when you look out of a window on a plane flying close enough to the ground to make out shapes, and you see the endlessness of everything-the curves, the straight lines, the zig zags, and all those geometric figures you wish you could just draw? All the shapes and pieces have their place. The curves, the straight lines, all of them...

They kind of fit together. And so do you. Cheers.

  

     

You Are in Full Swing! Maybe It's Spring? Maybe It's You!

Things are in full swing. Can you feel it? Truth be told, they've been in full swing for a while now, but suddenly I feel that everyone  is waking up and getting on board! Cue that song, "People Get Ready" by Curtis Mayfield.

Maybe I feel this way every spring but I can barely remember last spring so I don't really know. All I know is that right now something in the air is whispering now or never like never before.

Big leaps are happening. Intuitively, I know that now is a time for trust. All big leaps require trust of a certain kind so this one can be no different.

Does your mind ever frantically begin asking questions? Where will I be this time next year? Where will I be this time next week?  Do I have enough money? What should I wear? Oh man, what in the world is my skin doing now? How did that audition go? When was the last time I spoke to so and so? Wonder how he/she is doing? How am I doing? And ad infinitum.

Now is when I will employ that gentle, mildly humorous but firm admonition that always gets the point across: Hush. Or if you prefer: Shush. Shoosh. Quiet. Silencio, por favor. Some may just say shut the hell up, but that's really not my style.

The mind loves questions. They give it its favorite work-figuring things out, thinking, ruminating, etc. Thank you, mind. But enough is enough.
Hush.

Again I return to that aching intuition I have that now is the time to trust. All great leaps require it. But trust what?

Trust who?

Read the following with you (not me) in mind. I'm sharp. I'm beautiful. I'm talented and I have had enough courage to have gotten myself  this far. Why not trust myself?

It is amazing how many other people we give our trust before we trust ourselves. Most of my life I have read books, had long conversations with friends and anyone who listen, visited websites, taken classes, written journal entries, etc...before I gave myself full permission to trust my own instincts. Those other things are not to be undermined. They have been pivotal to my journey.

But usually when the right course of action is revealed, on some level I feel "I already knew that." Maybe I did already know. Why didn't I just trust my instincts?

The great thing about instincts is that they are there to be trusted and experimented with. Instincts must be used to sharpened. If you never trust yourself you never will. So work it out. Practice trusting yourself. Learn to.

If you take a chance and think you are trusting your instincts and things don't turn out well, then this is an opportunity to figure out where that particular instinct came from.

If you go deeper, you will be able to hear the voice that can never steer your wrong. It always has your best interests at heart. It has no agenda. It does not criticize you and it calls for your highest self to take a step. Just one.

Most likely it will be saying something like, "Let go." "You're fine. "Speak from your heart." "Care less about what others think". "What can you give more of?" "Be generous." "You're loved." "Why not?" Things along those lines.

This voice is yours. It is worthy of your trust. You are worthy of your trust.

Yes things are in full swing. They're swinging your way. Now is the time to trust.

Maybe it's Spring. But maybe it's you..

The Rules Are ACTUALLY Meant to Be Broken: A Note on Everyday Risk Taking (and Why April Fool's Isn't As Dumb As I Thought)

Today I want to talk about the familiar topic of risk taking. I’ve talked about it in many ways before, but today what is really inspiring me is the notion that risk taking happens everyday.

We just don’t always recognize it.

This afternoon I am going back to work after a 2 week break. My break has been restful but also filled with the business of my heart’s work, which has been the best part.

While I am looking forward to spending time doing my “survival” job (yes, it has its joys too), I am naturally a little apprehensive about letting go of the sweet restfulness that has settled onto my life during this hiatus.  Now that it is time for me to go back to an outside job, I feel something in me gripping tight saying that it doesn’t want to let go of this sweet freedom. You know that feeling after a vacation.

The thing that has been most special of all about this break was that each day I was able to settle into a flow and be true to my own rhythms. Honestly, most of my days are like that, regardless of whether I am working a survival job or not, but during this break I was able to recognize and appreciate it in a different way. I really settled in.

Now it is time to go back to work and I don’t necessarily want to. But I must.

This is what most people face everyday. I am thankful that I don’t work a 9 to 5 and that most of my time is devoted to pursuing my acting career. But every day requires a bit of, what I like to call, going beyond yourself, regardless of what you do for a living.  By going beyond yourself, I mean doing the things that aren’t really your preference, operating outside of your niche, having conversations that you don’t want to have, writing with the opposite hand, etc…

Every time we go out and do something that is beyond ourselves, we are taking a risk. AND WE DO THIS EVERYDAY.

Risk taking is not out of the ordinary.

Especially when as artists, we work in fields that are not our specialties all the time.  We wear different hats, we don different masks, and we take leaps that only a person wild and passionate enough to truly care about anything in this world would.

One of my oldest friends sent me a funny April Fool’s message just now. I didn’t fall for it, but it made us share a little laugh. April Fool’s messages are not usually something I associate with this friend. It kind of wasn’t “her” but I’m glad she took the risk to do something out of her ordinary to send that to me.

Now, I know that’s a really silly example of what I’m talking about, but that’s exactly what I mean. There are little risks to be found everywhere. We are already taking them everyday.

Take a moment to recognize the little risks you take everyday, the ones you don’t even think about anymore. Then when you need the courage to take a truly big leap, you’ll find that your strength is already half way there. You already have what it takes.

Now I don’t personally believe that we were all meant to be one thing, to always walk in a straight line, and to follow every rule. If you find that your life is a bit parched of the small risk taking acts, examine that. I’m sure there’s a crack somewhere that you could go ahead and step on. I promise it won’t really break anything! But it may make you smile, give you a bit of courage when you’re ready to walk out or sit in and besides, it’s always available.