Occasionally I get a Bjork song stuck in my head. Its the
one on her album, "Vespertine," that goes,
It’s not meant to be a strife
It’s not meant to be a struggle uphill
The song is called "Undo." I sing it around my apartment, walking down the street, at
work, in silent moments with others. It stays there in my head on loop.
Then in the bridge of the song, she says,
I’m praying to be in a
generous mood.
I won’t try to describe this song; all my words would be
clumsy. So just take a moment to listen to it. I've included a video of her performing it live below.
I've realized that there are certain songs that get stuck in
my head because they contain a message for me that I need to hear at the
moment. What songs get stuck in your
head? Even the crazy ones might have something for you.I’m serious!
Back to the Bjork song.
When I get this song stuck in my head I know I’m being
reminded of FLOW. By flow I mean that feeling you get when you’re floating on
your back in a body of water, looking up, and you get a sense of one-ness that
makes you feel that you’re not separate from the sky or the water or even the
people around you. Don’t know how to swim? Try this one. You’re eating a
delicious meal and you’re melting with every bite, you’re grateful, completely
content, and time doesn't exist. Don’t get many good meals? Try this one. A
gorgeous man (or woman) is kissing your neck, is going lower and lower,
you’re breathing deeply, next thing you know…ok. You get it.
Flow is when you’re not fighting anything
anymore. Everything is in its place, you are peaceful, you know where you fit
in the grand scheme of things. You’re not too big, you’re not too small…you’re
not too anything. You’re perfect.
But sometimes, because of whatever circumstances life has
dealt, we become used to fighting, to struggling, to swimming upstream. I know
that for many people, including me, fighting was the first mode of being that
we knew. I grew up in a family of 6 children. I am the 5th. I
struggled for everything. For my own
space, for privacy, to be heard, to not be ignored, to not be made fun of, to
be allowed to do things that my brothers and sisters before me were not allowed
to do; in short, to exist. Those were my external struggles. Internally, I struggled with my belief system. I knew early that what I believed to be true about
the world did not agree with what my family was teaching me. But I loved them
dearly, as I do now, and disappointing them in my mind was the equivalent of
some kind of gruesome torture that only I could dream up in my head. So
struggle is something I had come to expect. It’s in my bones. I’m used to being
told no. I’m used to being told to be quiet. I’m used to having to fight. So
many of us are.
Sometimes we get so used to fighting that we don’t realize
that peace is our natural state. Joy is our birth rite. We’re even dumbfounded
as to how “act” when we’re suddenly in a situation where we don’t have to struggle. Even worse, some of us
unknowingly keep ourselves in tough situations, denying ourselves happiness,
because struggling is all we know. We become identified with an experience of
having an internal life that allows us to say what we feel and dream of
freedom, and an external life of abject unhappiness or mediocre functionality
at best. What a sad split! Why won’t you
allow yourself to internally happy and
externally happy (I mean really there is no other way happiness exists anyway)?
Why just dream of your best life? Is it because you’re used
to just dreaming? Is it because you’re comfortable swimming upstream, fighting
the “good fight”? Do you want to spend your life shadowboxing, fighting a war that is truly
only with yourself, or would you like to come into the flow of existence?
Having said that, there are many real battles that take
actual courage. The other side of peace is war. Don’t waste your energy on a
constant battle that doesn't actually exist. Save it for the real battles that
you will have to fight. There will be many. If you are at peace within and have
found the joy that runs through everything, you will know when a real fight is
necessary and you will be ready. Take courage, the joy you have already found
will give you indescribable strength and the humor you will need to face
anything.
In the meantime, chill out and listen to this Bjork song…or
any song that makes you happy. You really are so perfect.
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