Get Some Headspace- Finding Simplicity Through The Clutter

I recently discovered a website that I already find invaluable to my growth called www.getsomeheadspace.com. The slogan is, "The world's first gym membership for the mind."  

The site features courses in guided meditation that are set up as things like “10 minutes a day for 10 days” or “15 minutes a day for 15 days” (courses called Take 10 and Take 15), etc…

I am 3 days into Take 10, and I am already blown away by its effectiveness.

I have been meditating on and off, in some form or another, since 2003. Ever since I discovered meditation as a way to clear the mind, I have seen it as necessary for my life. I have gone through various struggles keeping meditation in place, as far as maintaining the necessary discipline, keeping the right mind set, and also experimenting with different forms.

When a person has a long relationship with a practice, things can become a bit muddled over time. You can lose the core of why you started doing it in the first place and it can easily become just another thing on the to-do the list. In a desire to finally “get it right,” you can become rigid and stiff, get lost in your ritual, and completely lose sight of the state of present peace of mind that is the gem of any practice.

What I love about this sight is that it is helping me return to simplicity and ease, not just in meditation, but in life. I feel my mind being cleared of all the weeks and months and years of struggle and saying, “Just be here.”

Space. Lots of space is being created.

Have you ever gotten lost in the thick of a practice, a project, or a new skill you are trying to learn? Have you tried lots of different techniques, but nothing really seems to stick? Have you prayed about it and talked about it, only to have it come kick you in the gut when you’re down for some other reason?

Maybe the “it” for you is your inner critic; maybe it’s your meditation practice; maybe it’s finding the right romantic partner; or making peace with a family member; or forgiving an ex. I’m sure you have dealt with the proverbial “thorn in your side” at least once in your life by now.   

I have always thought of simplicity in terms of material possessions. Every time I hear of the notion of simplifying I immediately think I’m being told to give up some clothes or to organize my papers. I often forget that simplicity is, more than anything, a state of mind.

So if you have a long struggle with something, think in terms of going back to the root of why you wanted this particular something in the first place. Clear away some of the clutter that may have built up around that initial, pure, simple wish. If the residue of failures and setbacks has settled heavily upon you, do what you can to wash it away. Find a sense of gratefulness for the setbacks, knowing that they have served to bring you to where you are right now—alive and still trying.

If you have been searching and searching for solutions, throw away the voices of advice that don’t work for you. Too many voices complicate things. Try to distill everything you have learned into one clear, simple voice—a voice of compassion, that moves you both to action and to stillness.   

Find your own simplicity. Clear away the clutter. I promise you’ll find a clear space waiting for you, and you’ll feel much better.

If you're reading this blog, please take a moment to leave a COMMENT on some ways you've found simplicity and gotten some headspace in your life. 

Engagement: The Action That Sustains Your Passion- On Love, Lust, and Sustainability

A few weeks ago my boyfriend of almost 2 years, asked me to be his wife. It was late at night. He had just flown in from France. As he came through the door of our apartment he began to speak about what an adventure it has been since we’ve known each other and how he’d like to keep having wonderful adventures together for the rest of our lives. Then he got down on one knee and pulled out a simple, custom made, non-traditional ring, made of 2 concentric circles. Perfect. I said yes! I am overjoyed.

Despite all the excitement and romance of this new phase of our relationship, I am also processing the prospect of a lifetime of loving someone. This is really happening. Am I up to the task of being a lover and life partner who brings joy, humor, and unconditional love, who consistently challenges him to be a better man, for the rest of my life? What will it be like when we are old? What about when the fire isn’t as strong? Will there be days when we are sick of the sight of each other?     

Considering the fact that I’ve been mad about this man ever since the moment I saw him (seriously. not just saying that.) and that our entire story has been a rush of fury and passion that happened in the blink of an eye  (seriously. also not just saying that. The story of how we met is for another day, though.), it is hard to imagine a day that I’m not completely gaga over him.

But that is neither here nor there. A few days before the proposal, a very good friend of mine sent me an excerpt from a writing from Buddhist philosopher and monk, Thich Nhat Hahn. In the piece Hahn introduces 2 Vietnamese words:

There are two Vietnamese words, tinh and nghia, that are difficult to translate into English. They both mean something like love. In tinh, you find elements of passion. It can be very deep, absorbing the whole of your being. Nghia is a kind of continuation of tinh. With Nghia you feel much calmer, more understanding, more willing to sacrifice to make the other person happy, and more faithful. You are not as passionate as in tinh, but your love is deeper and more solid. Nghia will keep you and the other person together for a long time. It is the result of living together and sharing difficulties and joy over time.  

This is some sort of variation of what we usually call “love” and “passion.” We all know the difference between those things, and have probably had countless conversations about the distinction. Now that I am at the helm of legitimately spending the rest of my life with someone, this idea has become all the more nuanced for me.

I began to realize that this is a principle that essentially runs through everything. Have you ever heard that expression? “Life is 99% perspiration and 1%inspiration.” That’s what this about!

If you think of your work or anything (or anyone) that you love passionately, can you clearly map out a plan for sustainable action? That is, action that can be sustained even when the initial fire may not be as strong. The grit of the everyday, that must continue necessarily, even when “the going gets rough.” And mind you, this is not only when the going gets rough because people generally are able to kick into high gear when a challenge is present. This is also through the humdrum.

What I love most about the nuance of these 2 Vietnamese words is this:

“With Nghia you feel much calmer, more understanding, more willing to sacrifice to make the other person happy, and more faithful.”

That element of peace, of surrender that is present with sustained love. If you are an artist and you read this blog, you probably already have an inkling of how important this sense of peace is throughout your journey. This is a part of owning your flow. If you own your flow, this peace will remain even through the hardest of times. Even through countless rejections and personal failures. Yes, through sickness and health.

I believe that if we can balance our burning passion and fire (for someone or something) with sustained action and surrender, a clearing will take place. Take a moment to identify the aspects of your life that are filled with one or the other (action and passion), and see if there is room for a balancing act. Isn’t it wonderful that we have the capacity for both?

Even if you’re like me and are only at the point of acknowledging it, this is a miraculous place to start.  

Seeing the Forrest For The Trees: How To Work Even When It’s Hard and Master The Joy of What You Do

At long last, my friends, I do believe it is here: The official start of a long stay of warm weather. Is your body and mind opening up to this warmth? Are  you embracing the good vibes rippling through the streets as people seem to be in a better mood? Are you keeping light on your toes even as the heat pulls your body down and slowly zaps your energy seducing you into lazy afternoons?

I have been busy with a capital B for the past few weeks. Getting into the thick of rehearsals for a show that opens tonight, 5 long days of shooting a short film, beginning rehearsal for the next play I will be in, and working both of my survival jobs has kept me away from writing you, dear Joy In The City Readers. 

Tonight, the first of the 2 plays I’m doing this summer opens. As the afternoon moves on, my spirit is feeling lighter than it has for the entire month of May. This is the first afternoon I’ve had to myself in weeks. It is giving me a chance to reflect and hopefully I can articulate what I am seeing.

The process for this play has been hard. We were beset with a whole compilation of difficulties early on. I play the lead role and carry the bulk of the show. For the first time, I am realizing that performing in front of an audience is also a part of the process. I will meet her (my character) again tonight as if for the first time. She is not complete, and I cannot imagine that she will be by the time the play closes.

This scares me. You (hypothetical you, that is. God? Spirit? Universe? Whoever…) mean I will be working even as I perform? Well, yes and no. I won’t be working as if I am in rehearsal. That work is mostly over. But I will be learning. There is so much about this woman that will be found each time I speak the words she was written to speak. She is alive each time we gather to witness her. So she will be growing as I grow to merge with her.  Yes, I’ve known this for a long time as I’ve heard fellow actors, “masters,” and teachers speak about process. But right now, this idea is real to me in a new way.

Gosh that sounds all metaphysical and spiritual and mushy. You can’t be serious. But it is what is.    

So what does this all have to do with you, dear readers?

Well because things surrounding the play have been so externally difficult, I was hit with a hard truth this morning: I have not found my joy in the process.

 Don’t I act because I love it? How could I not be immersed in utter joy with just the opportunity to share my art with others?  Isn’t that a given? Well, not always.

Sometimes we become so tied up in the “getting it right” or, what I will call, the “pain” of the process that we forget about its intrinsic joy. Has this ever happened to you?

Have you ever caught yourself scrunched up over something you love because it is giving you a challenge, and realize that you’ve forgotten to breathe or laugh, and that your body is tied up in knots because you’ve failed to remember the flow and fun of the task?   

Don’t get me wrong. Human beings need challenge to feel fulfilled. Recent studies show that we actually do experience more happiness in process than we do in reward, something we’ve said forever but just didn’t have the actual science to back up.

We need the struggle.

But we must not ever forget the joy.  

Thankfully, I have had the company of my dear friend, Nicole Beharie, for the past week or so. In our conversations, she has given me much wisdom about remembering that for which you were called.

You were not called to just be “so and so” or to do “this or that”. It is your task to, not only master the craft of your work, but to also master how to do it with the right amount of flow and joy.  Indeed, this is a part of the mastery. You were called to your life’s work to do it joyfully.

This is not always easy. This is especially true for artists, who work in a variety of mostly unpredictable circumstances, and who must, necessarily, work with a level of vulnerability.

I am learning. Perhaps we can learn together? If you are reading this, please leave your comments on what you to do to maintain your joy in the midst of challenges in your work.

For now, I propose this: Find something to laugh about. Enlist the help of your friends to remind you to see the forest for the trees. And, for the love of God, do enjoy this sunshine. It is waiting for us.   

Assata Shakur, The Internal Stuggle for Freedom, and Why This is Very Personal

Today I am feeling a quite visceral response to the political atmosphere of the country. Lately I have kept myself quite isolated from the political conversation. I go through phases, cautiously dealing with the internal and external, deciding what is most valuable for my growth.

With the news of Assata Shakur being placed on the FBI’s Terrorist List—the first woman, being black, nonetheless—I feel that there is an obvious correlation of my inner state and the state of the political affairs in this US.

I find it disturbing, to say the least, that a woman who was wrongfully accused of a murder that she could not have possibly committed, who has spent the past 40 odd years living in exile, is being considered as a dangerous threat to the US.

This reminds me of the fact that the feminine has time and again been considered dangerous to the powers that be—so dangerous that she must be repressed; so dangerous that her life must be squelched and put on hold so that others may feel more comfortable, more safe.

What does the fate of Assata Shakur have to do with me? I, who lives comparatively happily in a home of my choice in a crime free, diverse neighborhood in Brooklyn NY, in love with a non-American white man, performing in small plays and films, writing as my heart desires, working only enough to support my survival, and with enough freedom to have an opinion about what goes on the world?

The main problem with this new label given to Assata Shakur is that it supposedly is intended to send a message of fear to anyone seeking to live a life of revolution on American soil.

Anyone seeking to live a life of revolution? What does this mean? Anyone seeking to challenge the status quo, anyone seeking to speak out against systematic unhappiness, anyone who refuses to play small and live a life with anything less than the boldness of actual being that is the gift of existence.

In my life I have come into contact with many women who seek to live a life of freedom (freedom of expression, freedom to live a life outside of the mandate of tradition, etc…). Many of these women are my friends. I am sad to say that for them, more than any other group, this is a constant struggle.

The world for some reason always seeks to make these women fit inside some little box for which they are surely unfit. The world quite obviously fears them. Fears their ambiguity, their strength, their depth, their rich humor, and most of all perhaps, their unclassifiable beauty.

But these women continue. They continue to write plays of immeasurable eloquence that may never be produced on the scale they deserve, they continue to work in industries that will never quite accommodate them (because they know their presence in these industries is essential for others maybe?), they refuse to compromise their natural beauty, and sometimes they leave behind friends and lovers to live in “exile” and follow their bliss in radical ways.

Why are they feared? It is quite obvious: Because they are indefinable and will not accept the sundry pigeonholes that a male dominated establishment attempts to designate for them. They will not accept a narrow classification. So they are deemed dangerous.

Maybe I am not one of these bold indefinable women of which I speak. I still play small and grapple with ways in which to present my indefinable beauty to the world to make it more palatable. I still wish to be loved and seek approval. But maybe not for long.

I do not wish to live in a world where it is acceptable to fear that which is unexplainable, to imprison that which does not fit into the established mold. I do not desire to see my sisters and future daughters forever exiled to a life of constant battle for the right to exist with the freedom of being and expression that is equivalent with what it means to be alive--to breathe without explanation and to dally with the mystery that defies articulation.

I also must say that is important to watch where one places their trust. Though I had never voted before, I voted for Barrack Obama. This is the administration that labels Assata Shakur a terrorist and also the administration that supports the use of drones. I know he has made strides for much positive change under the most intense congressional opposition that any administration has faced.

But I am learning that some games are not in place for the highest good to succeed. No matter his wishes, it seems that the institution of the American government is only in place for the economic gain of this nation, the maintenance of a standard of comfort and luxury, and not for the overall wellbeing (internal and external) of its citizens.

We each must be more diligent in maintaining our own happiness, our own freedom of being and internal welfare. It may come at a high price, but it is the only thing worth existing for.

Find out what works for you. What is it that makes you blossom and carry out your fullest potential? Follow your bliss. No matter what don’t compromise.  Your joy (and freedom) await you.

I Like The Way You Work It: Your Style of Getting Things Done and The Ever Elusive Motivation

I am reading a book right now about the various ways that people find motivation. It answers the question of how people focus and what ultimately gets people going. I am finding it helpful in identifying my style of “getting things done.” This is what the book is about on the surface, but a bit more subtly, it also is “re-defining” happiness.

This is a big one for me. You know, my name is Joy. The whole happiness thing/ defining the elusive joy is definitely an essential part of my journey. I think it must be an essential part of everyone’s journey in their own unique way, but for me, it seems particularly entwined with what I’m supposed to do with my time here.

I mean, my name is Joy and for a great deal of my life I was quite joy-less. The metaphors don’t scream much louder than that.  

Back to the book. Did you know that optimism and positive thinking does not work for everyone? Maybe you are one the people that has been cajoled your whole life with comments like “Everything will be fine” or “Be positive.”

Well it just so happens that this kind of sunny outlook actually “doesn’t work” for everyone. As a matter of fact, for some people thinking positively is exactly the opposite of how they get things done. For these people, positive thinking actually dampens their diligence and imagining the worst is what motivates them to do their best.

In other words, for some people, Happiness has nothing to do with positive thinking. So all the optimists can just stop shoving the glass half full thing down people’s throats because it’s not all about that.

Another thing. Have you ever wondered why everything can be going well on the inside (how you feel) even when the world is falling apart around you? Or why you can feel awful inside even when everything around you is happening exactly as you hoped? Why don’t these inner and outer satisfactions line up more often?

An aspect of happiness that is often overlooked is the effectiveness factor. Happiness is largely about how effective you are in the world. If you feel that you are successfully effecting your heart’s desires, you will most likely feel happy. So it’s not whether you are getting what you want, which is awesome, but it’s also about whether you feel that you are a part of your success. You are a major part of this equation, not just what is happening to you.

When you work hard and you see the payoff, that amazing feeling is a part of your happiness. When things aren’t going well but you know that you are being your best self and doing everything in your power to change things, that is a part of your happiness too.

Happiness is largely about feeling effective. So grab your power and work it!

I am happily learning that while I may seem to be a promotion focused person (driven by rewards, a creative thinker, big risk taker, largely disorganized) on the surface, as a I take a closer look, it is also true that I am quite prevention focused (concerned with maintaining what is, not a risk taker, meticulous, organized) as well. Which may be a key to unlocking exactly how I work.

I am also a touch pessimistic when it comes to my work. Why? Because my pessimism motivates me. I am more diligent when I think to myself  “this just may not work out.” Then I usually smile and say to myself, “Then I may as well have a hell of a good time trying.”

The truth is that the inner and outer line up in you. You are the common denominator of all dichotomies. It’s up to you to figure how it all works together so that you can light up the world as the fire that you are.     

 P.S. This book is called Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing The World for Success and Influence by Heidi Grant Halvorson. It’s Number 7 on the book list I posted a few weeks ago if you’ve been following.

You Can Have Your Cake and Eat it Too: An Adventure in Community Acupuncture and Leaving No Stone Unturned

I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it.

Does that make you think of Olivia Newton John in 80s style aerobics wear, Jessie Spanno’s classic breakdown from sleeping pills on “Saved By The Bell,” or your very own life?

I’m pleased to say that right now those words make me think of my life. So much is happening. I just found out that I’ve been cast in a show with a company whose work completely fascinates me. This will follow another show that opens in June. My summer is booked with acting work that excites me. And I hope to round it all out with a film. So cross your fingers for me.

Today, I surprised myself and went to something called an acupuncture bowl, which is basically a community acupuncture sitting.  Each participant got a treatment and then we sat with the needles in for about 40 minutes in silence. This was followed by a brief reading from a Taoist text. I found the entire experience incredibly relaxing. It was my second acupuncture treatment ever (the first being almost a year ago in Paris), and I immediately felt some blockage clearing. I rode my bike there. It was a pleasure sharing silence in a group. One woman commented that she was surprised at how energizing the silence of our group had been. I agreed.

What led me to the community acupuncture was that while I have been accomplishing lots externally, I am finding it difficult to integrate creative practices in my life in a sustainable way. Over and over, I begin projects and have amazing ideas that are quickly abandoned.  Despite all that is going on, we all know that external accomplishment only brings a degree of happiness. It is really what’s going on internally that seals the deal.

Auditioning and booking work is one thing. Don’t get me wrong. That takes hard work. But what I am concerned about is the work that others may not see. The work that is done at home and that may not result in a play or a film, but that brings me satisfaction nonetheless. These things include painting, working on a scrapbook of my summer in Europe, and working on my screenplay. I know this may all sound superfluous. But these are things that bring me joy and for some reason they are usually the first things to get left behind when I am busy or otherwise distracted.

I enjoy being busy, but I want to master the balancing act that makes it possible to be fulfilled creatively in my own rite.

Have you ever felt that no matter how much you accomplish on the outside, that still something essential is missing? When I feel this way, I find that usually the missing link is all that extra creative stuff I do just because it makes my heart sing and that (on the surface) has nothing to do with my career.

So I went to a community acupuncture session at the recommendation of a dear old friend. I didn’t realize that this is why I went until the session was nearly over. Acupuncture is an ancient practice that helps bring balance to both the physical and psychological body. Today’s session relaxed me tremendously and also somehow inspired me to get organized enough to complete my personal projects and to continue to book acting work-in other words to “have my cake and eat it too.”

Acupuncture may not be your cup of tea, but acupuncture is not the point. No pun intended. The point is that I was able to deal with this blockage because I tried something completely different. I was open to a new experience and I received an amazing gift.

New experiences are everywhere. Leave no stone unturned. The universe is waiting to answer you. I’ll keep you updated on my progress. As always, your joy awaits you.

Trust me. It is possible to have it all.

Joyful Reading: 7 Books That Will Inspire You, Make You Laugh, Think, and Smooth Out The Ride

I am in a time of thinking less and feeling more so I don’t have any brilliant realizations to share with you, per se.

I always go through moments where different modes of processing come to the fore- either a more cognitive mode where I am able to articulate easily and can clearly see various mechanisms at play; or a more nebulous feeling mode where everything is more experiential and I have few words for what is happening. But through it all reading is always with me. No matter what mode I am functioning in, reading the words of others helps me to make sense of the world.

Having said that, I’d like to share with you a list of some books that have recently provided me clarity, humor, and that have walked alongside me as good companions for the brain and the heart.

1.     Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are by Carlin Flora. I just finished this book a few days ago. It opened my eyes to the role friends play in life choices and also our overall happiness. If you knew the facts, you would thank your friends more. An amazing read.

2.     Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me and Other Concerns by the tremendously funny, Mindy Kaling. If you’re looking for a deep read, this book is not it. It is shallow by all counts. And hysterically funny. Mindy Kaling does not apologize for some superficial elements of her personality and does not change her values to seem cool. Because of this, she is unintentionally inspiring. What a great surprise. Loved it.

3.     On Beauty by Zadie Smith. Ok. I know this book is alnost 10 years old. I also know that Zadie Smith’s newest novel, NW, was just published this year. Hold your horses. I’ll talk about NW next, but I have to talk about On Beauty first. This book is so thrilling and refreshing. If you have ever thought about how we culturally deal with beauty, read this book. It’s not cerebral and does not contain any overt commentary, thankfully. It is a wildly funny, smartly written, bold as brass tale that deals with academia, family, infedility, friendship, enemy-ship and -in the most suble way- the ever so elusive, beauty. I love this writer. Which is why I’ll talk about:

4.     NW by Zadie Smith. Ok ummm…This book is unlike anything I have ever read. If you want to really get sucked into character and watch an amazing writer do jazz, pick this up and prepare to salivate. This book entrances you and you just can’t stop. The characters are not pretty and so it is cathartic in the true Greek sense.

5.     Outliers-Stories of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. Though I’m a fan of all of Gladwell’s books, I have to talk about this one because it is the latest. This book completely knocked my socks off and opened my eyes to the different dimensions of success. We don’t often hear about the story behind the success story in a multi-layered way that includes loads of research about why success happens for some and not for others. It’s kind of the true story behind the success story. Not to mention the fact that Gladwell writes with so much humor and heart that you can’t help but be inspired to open up a little wider and live a bit deeper.

6.     The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. This book, along with the next one on this list, is one that I haven’t read yet. I am beginning it today. Book lists never include books that the person composing the list is just excited about reading! I’ll give you a synopsis of it: The writer embarks on a year exploring the notion of happiness. Here is a blurb from the website: The Happiness Project synthesizes the wisdom of the ages with current scientific research, as Rubin brings readers along on her year to greater happiness.  Anyone want to read it with me? I’m so excited to crack it open! http://www.happiness-project.com/

7.    Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing the World for Success and Influence by Heidi Grant Halvorson. This book explores the different ways that people get motivated. Have you ever wondered why optimism and an upbeat personailty help to get some people motivated but not others or why can’t you just make yourself do the things you want to do? This book, based in scientific research, explores all the different dimensions of how we get motivated. I’ll be cracking this one open right after I finish The Happiness Project. I’ll let you know how it goes!

And there you have it. 7 books that are sure to open to your heart and mind and get your juices flowing!

One thing about living in the city is the abundance of time that I spend on public transportation. This allows for massive amounts of reading. Also when lots is going on and you need to process, reading a well written book is a great way to disconnect from your normal train of thought and get inspired by someone else’s insight and artistry.

I do love a good book. Here’s to your joy!