Saw a play this afternoon. “Ode To Joy” at The Cherry Lane.
I have to mention it because a) it wasn’t a perfect play, but it was so
wonderfully imperfect that it was a study in itself; b) because my name is Joy
and I had this realization that the gift my parents gave me in naming me this
is probably their most kind and lasting gift to me; and c) because this blog is
about joy and I think of joy lots.
After I left the theater with tears in my eyes, I walked
around the West Village feeling so grateful to live in a city where I can walk
down the street crying and be completely peaceful in a blanket of solitude and
anonymity among so many beautiful (or at least interesting) strangers. I know
everyone says this about New York, but it’s one of those things everyone says
because it is true.
Both yesterday and today I had conversations with 2 friends that
eventually involved the ever illusive self confidence and assuredness that is
inextricably tied to joy. One friend is wondering what to do next with her
life, and the other is wondering how to feel the brave, freeing vulnerability
and openness she experiences onstage as an actor in her everyday life…as
herself. Come to think of it, the day before I spoke to the first of these
friends, another friend confided in me via text that she’s not sure if she’s
ever been happy. I listened to my friends and let them know that I appreciate
their sharing such deep things of their hearts with me. I am blessed (or
helped) in that.
So where I am going with this?
I’ve been thinking lots about my Joy List. A Joy List is a
list of the things that…you guessed it…bring you joy. If everything is a
practice, then joy must certainly be one too. To answer my friend who is
wondering about bringing the courage that she possesses when she is onstage to
her everyday life, I mentioned that acting in a way is easy because the more
you do it, the better you get. It’s an activity so practice is inherent. You
almost just have to keep doing it to
get better and better. The “almost” is there because classes, training,
exposing yourself to proper practices are all also involved. On the other hand, life requires a lot more consciousness than that. Waking
up, getting dressed, and going through your daily routine doesn’t necessarily
make you better at life. You have to practice at being your best self. But what
exactly are you practicing?
And that’s where the Joy List comes in. What are the things
in your life that make you better? What are the things that bring you joy?
The more time I spend with this question, the more I realize that the
answers aren’t all typical, some of them I have to look a bit harder for and
some are just silly, but I don’t question them. If they work, they work.
3 cups of water first thing in the morning is one,
connecting weekly in a meaningful way with at least 2 friends, making love, and
having one day a week with absolutely no commitments are just a few of mine. I
don’t always get that last one, but I know it’s important. Lifting weights, meditating, a
glass of wine or beer at home during the week (I canNOT, I repeat CANNOT wait
for the weekend to this!), and plain old silly time with my husband and
roommate also make this list. These things keep the grease on the
wheels. They MAKE IT POSSIBLE for me to be creative, be a better caretaker,
wife, and friend. They make it possible
for me to be my best self. They are essential.
The things on My Joy List are not luxuries!
Joy is not a luxury, people! It is your right! So go on. Start thinking of your Joy List!
Take nothing for granted. Notice when you do something that makes you feel
completely and utterly free and that gives you an extra push to continue living
your life as your best possible self. Whatever it is deserves a place on your
Joy List and I promise you there are plenty more where that one came from.
Now back to that play I saw earlier today. Best final line
ever: “Joy!! Joy, motherfuckers!! Joy!!”
The way the actress, Kathryn Erbe, delivered that line was
full of the perfect amount of urgency and insistence that let anyone listening
know that joy is not an option. I think that’s what put the tears in my eyes
because honestly, I wasn’t particularly moved up until that point, with the
exception of maybe being moved by seeing the actors have fun with and deal
superbly with demanding physical work that was excellently timed and well
directed.
No, it was the insistence
on joy that got me emotional. Why do we think joy is optional?
It reminds me of one of the first poems I loved that I read
for the first time when I was 10 or 11 years old, a poem by Nikki Giovanni
called “Poetry” in which she describes the role of poetry to both the reader
and the poet.
Line by line, she speaks of poetry in everyday life and then
in the final lines of the poem she says:
…for it is dead
if it cannot heed the insistent message
that life is precious
which is all we poets
wrapped in our loneliness are trying to say
I was young when I first read it, but something rang in me
and I read the poem over and over. The idea that there could be an insistent
message that is ever present seemed so mysterious and true to me, and that the
insistent message could be “that life is precious” seemed so RIGHT that I
couldn’t get over it.
Insistence is somehow connected to an urgency that defies
time. The urgency of life and joy are inseparable and inescapable.
Make your Joy List and start practicing it. You have a right
to joy. “Joy!! Joy, motherfuckers!! Joy!!!”
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