A few weeks ago my boyfriend of almost 2 years, asked me to
be his wife. It was late at night. He had just flown in from France. As he came
through the door of our apartment he began to speak about what an adventure it
has been since we’ve known each other and how he’d like to keep having
wonderful adventures together for the rest of our lives. Then he got down on
one knee and pulled out a simple, custom made, non-traditional ring, made of 2
concentric circles. Perfect. I said yes! I am overjoyed.
Despite all the excitement and romance of this new phase of
our relationship, I am also processing the prospect of a lifetime of loving
someone. This is really happening. Am I up to the task of being a lover and life
partner who brings joy, humor, and unconditional love, who consistently
challenges him to be a better man, for the rest of my life? What will it be
like when we are old? What about when the fire isn’t as strong? Will there be
days when we are sick of the sight of each other?
Considering the fact that I’ve been mad about this man ever
since the moment I saw him (seriously. not just saying that.) and that our
entire story has been a rush of fury and passion that happened in the blink of
an eye (seriously. also not just saying
that. The story of how we met is for another day, though.), it is hard to
imagine a day that I’m not completely gaga over him.
But that is neither here nor there. A few days before the
proposal, a very good friend of mine sent me an excerpt from a writing from
Buddhist philosopher and monk, Thich Nhat Hahn. In the piece Hahn introduces 2
Vietnamese words:
There
are two Vietnamese words, tinh and nghia, that are difficult to translate into English.
They both mean something like love. In tinh,
you find elements of passion. It can be very deep, absorbing the whole of your
being. Nghia is a kind of
continuation of tinh. With Nghia you feel much calmer, more understanding,
more willing to sacrifice to make the other person happy, and more faithful.
You are not as passionate as in tinh,
but your love is deeper and more solid. Nghia will
keep you and the other person together for a long time. It is the result of
living together and sharing difficulties and joy over time.
This is some sort of variation of what we usually call
“love” and “passion.” We all know the difference between those things, and have
probably had countless conversations about the distinction. Now that I am at
the helm of legitimately spending the rest of my life with someone, this idea
has become all the more nuanced for me.
I began to realize that this is a principle that essentially
runs through everything. Have you ever heard that expression? “Life is 99%
perspiration and 1%inspiration.” That’s what this about!
If you think of your work or anything (or anyone) that you
love passionately, can you clearly map out a plan for sustainable action? That is, action that can be sustained even when
the initial fire may not be as strong. The grit of the everyday, that must
continue necessarily, even when “the going gets rough.” And mind you, this is
not only when the going gets rough because people generally are able to kick
into high gear when a challenge is present. This is also through the humdrum.
What I love most about the nuance of these 2 Vietnamese
words is this:
“With Nghia you feel much calmer, more understanding,
more willing to sacrifice to make the other person happy, and more faithful.”
That element of peace, of surrender
that is present with sustained love. If you are an artist and you read this
blog, you probably already have an inkling of how important this sense of peace
is throughout your journey. This is a part of owning your flow. If you own your
flow, this peace will remain even through the hardest of times. Even through
countless rejections and personal failures. Yes, through sickness and health.
I believe that if we can balance our
burning passion and fire (for someone or something) with sustained action and
surrender, a clearing will take place. Take a moment to identify the aspects of
your life that are filled with one or the other (action and passion), and see
if there is room for a balancing act. Isn’t it wonderful that we have the
capacity for both?
Even if you’re like me and are only at
the point of acknowledging it, this is a miraculous place to start.
No comments:
Post a Comment