I have been thinking about transformation. How does it
happen? How does someone actually change? With the notion of self acceptance
making its way into my self improvement vocabulary fairly recently, I have
completely chucked my hard fast belief in tough loving myself into change. Yes,
this revolution will be gentle. At least from the inside, and as far as I can
help it.
So now that I’m loving myself all up and down inside and out
sometimes I fear that something valuable has been lost along with my rough n’
tough do or die mentality towards personal change. Where is the balance? Indeed how does one make lasting and profound
personal change? Is transformation even possible or is it just some kind of
pipe dream that the optimistic and hopeful of us have trained ourselves to
believe?
I just stopped typing to readjust a tie around the stems of
my houseplant, which was put in place to train it how to grow. I love when
metaphors manifest! Is growth just one of the many metaphors for existence? I
think it is in many ways. Perhaps we have gotten too caught up into making it
happen, and have forgotten the sundry ways it happens on its own.
But back to my bigger question of how transformation
actually happens; as in, specifically, how can you make it happen. Slowly but surely I am beginning to understand
that you don’t make it happen. The
idea of making it happen is probably the biggest hoax that I ever bought into. It is already happening every day every
moment, it is the constant flow of life, so the real question is not how can I
make it happen, it is how can I be a part of it, how can I allow space for it
to happen in a way that is of benefit to me. Of course, this means
understanding that you are already a part of it, so how can I realize that I am a part of it and act accordingly? How can I realize my
joy?
I think I’ll get personal here. I believe I came to the big
realization that I don’t make transformation happen from my daily readings of
the poetry of Rumi. His words have been a part of my meditation practice for
almost 6 years. His poetry is about surrender, about knock your socks off, all
holds barred devotion to the divine, the unseen. I didn’t realize it
immediately but constantly reading his poetry in a meditative state was
changing me subconsciously. I began the process of letting go without even
realizing it. Do not be fooled, I am still in that process. And it is a process
of transformation.
Doing something daily has led to a transformation process
that is not of my doing. Can you dig the paradox of that?
So transformation is not the stuff of mental prowess, harsh
treatment, negative self talk, and the like. Devote yourself to doing something
regularly. For me, daily is not always possible. On the days when I do not
meditate and do my Rumi reading, I do my best to love myself even more. This is
living devotion. It is not always perfect.
Gradually the thought process changes. Transformation
happens.
In a city where competition is a living breathing element as
visceral as the concrete, it can be hard to compete while remaining authentic
to your natural self. Often competition (or ogling admiration) is the biggest
motivation for seeking transformation. This is a worthy cause. But remember
that the only person you’ll ever really compete with is you.
Transformation is personal. It is not about the person you
see playing the parts you want to play. You can be the person playing the parts you want to play, but it is always
about your relationship to yourself and not your relationship to someone you else
that you wish to be.
The biggest fights I ever had were with myself.
What is it that makes your heart sing? Do it everyday.
Better yet: Try to do it everyday.
And forgive yourself wholeheartedly when you miss the mark. If you are
struggling to be someone that you aren’t, give that struggle up. The
transformation that you surrender to,
that you make space for, is really
about becoming who you already are.
If you can dig that paradox, your joy awaits you. In the city. And everywhere.
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