A Letter From An Introverted NYC Actor Who Likes All the Things About You That Don't Make Sense

I have a confession to make. I am an introvert. I have been my entire life. Why is that a “confession,” like it’s a bad thing? As an actor living in NYC, it is something that I have had to “work with,” as I pursue an occupation that is as much about who you know as it is about how talented you are. Notice I said “work with” as opposed to “work on”. Being a naturally introverted person seems like somewhat of an occupational hazard, if not just plain old paradoxical, to an actor at first glance.

Ever since I realized that I wanted to be an actor, I noticed quite a difference between myself and other actors in this arena. I noticed early on that the other young actors I met all seemed so outgoing and naturally sociable. I too am sociable, but it is not without effort that I meet and greet people after shows, make small talk, and do all things in service of that oft talked about activity that we lovingly refer to as networking.

  

According to the Myer-Briggs personality test, being an introvert or extrovert is more than just a matter of being a shy person or an outgoing person. It is also about where you gather energy from in relation to others. Introverts tend to be people who are energized by quiet time alone, while extroverts are people who find energy while being surrounded by people. 

Doesn’t it seem like if, as an actor, you could choose which one to be that it’d be best to be an extrovert? That’s what I thought for many years. I couldn’t figure out why I was so shy, which is what I used to call to my introverted-ness. I wanted to change it desperately.  Then I learned that being introverted is a natural personality trait that cannot be changed anymore than I can change the fact that I write with my left hand (True story. Lefty in the house!).

So what’s an introverted actor living in NYC to do?

Well, this isn’t so much about being introverted, specifically, as it is about working with what you’ve got. I am on the mailing list of a wonderfully inspiring life coach and personal trainer named Erin Stutland. I’ve read her emails for almost 2 years and I’m always moved by her sincere and funny letters to her readers. One of the best things she encourages people to do is to not apologize for the way they work.

I’ll say it again.

Do not apologize for the way you work.

There is a certain way that you work; that is, how you get things done that is unique to you.

I started off talking about my being an introvert because once I stopped apologizing for this personality trait of mine both inwardly and outwardly, I was able to use it to my advantage and to be honest about when it did not serve me. Introverts thrive on alone time, and aren’t necessarily shy people. When I realized that I wasn’t shy as much as I just lived internally a bit more than extroverts, I was able to enjoy my alone time without guilt (a lot less telling myself, “You should get out there!” “Go meet people!” “Stop being so shy!”). I could see how my time with myself was not a disadvantage but just the way that I gathered my energy to exist fully in the world. Without the pressure I was putting on myself, I feel much more energized to do the necessary networking that my chosen career requires.

I keep a small circle of close friends, but I am comfortable with meeting new people and making acquaintances, and small talk can be fun. I don’t feel that I am forcing myself into being someone that I am not because of an image that I think I should fit into.

My introverted nature affords me a rich inner imaginative life that helps me approach the characters I play in a unique way that some people have called magical. That’s exactly what I’ve always wanted the experience of watching my acting to feel like, and it is possible because I have stopped apologizing for who I am.

Do you have any personality traits that may worry you, but that genuinely work for your life? If there are adjustments to make, make them, but don’t apologize for how you work. There are gems to be found in places you may least expect them. Did you know that there are countless actors who describe themselves as shy? Paradoxical? Maybe. But why not? If it works, use it. No one can play the hand you were dealt better than you.

Signed,

A happily introverted actor who paints worlds with her imagination and plays them onstage when she’s lucky